Perception

The small window we leave open for others to see our lives through can often leave hidden the vast rooms of countless concealed sorrows and struggles we manage in secret each day.

Not with deception, or intent to be guilely cunning we bury our underlying pains. We simply and truthfully present the momentary strength that is provided, just enough to get through the pressing moment at hand. Then, back in the quiet of our unaccompanied thoughts, wilt under the compounded crushing weight of our sorrow.

Only God ever truly sees our innermost vulnerabilities. Only He knows the depth of strength that He provides us in order for us to contribute, even mildly, to our society, family’s and to the simplest mundane, menial daily tasks. Only He hears the secret whimpers of our heart, the cries in pain, the aching in our soul.

Only He knows, so only He can provide the strength and comfort we require to face them.

Only God is witness to my tear-drenched cheeks, my face – stained with sorrow, my clothing saturated by the salty flood ever-flowing from my eyes. What is concealed, is entirely revealed to Him in the secret places.

Only God hears my thoughts, the memories that race constantly through my mind, looking to the empty seat that once cradled my accompaniment through much of my life’s journey, now vacant.

Only He sees these secret moments of agony. Only He can soothe them.

Only God can give me the endurance to run & finish my race.

Only God, who gave His only Son as a living sacrifice for us, can fully understand my affliction. His only Son, gives me a way back to my only child.

My only child, now lives with Him.

She cannot come to me. I will go to her one day, but she cannot return to me. Only He knows the suffering of my heart in this vast insatiable void.

The strength you see in me – is Him.

The joy you see in me – is Him.

The good you witness through me – is Him.

The stirring in your heart when you read & hear me speak – is Him.

The nagging on your heart when you hear Lily’s voice raised in song to The Great I Am – is Him.

The compelling words you read as I share from Lily’s journal – ALL Him.

Do not be fooled when you see me.

I do not have tremendous strength. I alone, cannot hold back the mighty rushing sea of sorrow. The calm shoreline you observe in my poise and composure is not me, what you see, is Him.

“He will pass through the sea of affliction, and will smite the waves in the sea, and all the depths of the river shall dry up.” Zechariah 10:11a

For “You alone are my strength, my shield

To You alone may my spirit yield

You alone are my heart’s desire

And I long to worship thee”

Lyrics from “As the Deer”